Here are some things that make tennis more difficult than other sports.

1. Tennis is an individual sport – no team failure, no team success. It can feel lonely.
2. There is very little or no coaching in tennis matches. Other sports have nearly continuous coaching.
3. Your child’s opponent is the umpire, and so is your child.
4. Most points are decided by errors – mistakes are the way of tennis.
5. There is no clock, so the ending is indeterminate.
6. Many sports play in the elements, however the extremes of wind and heat and cold effects players differently in tennis. Competitive tennis is anaerobic, requiring short bursts of intense energy.

Kids love to compete. At the same time it is stressful.

We love to win.

• We need to love playing when we lose or win.
• A goal for a player is to have the same attitude to a win or a loss, while still enjoying the wins.
  • Competition is merely feedback for what we get to practice more.

Parents tend to compare.

• Comparing can add unnecessary stress for the parent and the player. Compare a player only to a previous version of themself.

Kids may or may not want to communicate about their recent competitive experience.

It is a good idea to give them 24 hours before you expect an objective perspective from your player.

• If your player is talkative immediately after the match you probably just want to listen and nod.

What do you say to your child after a match?

Address only things that are within their control.

Here are some possible conversation directions.

• Did you enjoy playing your match?
• Did you make any new friends at the court today?
• I saw how hard you were working, shall we go for a treat?

This may be the best one, particularly if you can’t think of any other positive way to go:

• I always enjoy watching you play.

What expectations to set for your child in tennis, all sports, academics, and music?

• Put forth your best effort.
• Prepare to perform.
• Represent yourself as a good person, particularly when times are tough.
• Follow the Golden Rule.

As your child invests more deeply in tennis and spends more time training and playing, think about how it is affecting them as a person.

1. Is tennis making you happy, better focused, better with confidence and resilience?
2. Is tennis making you stressed and angry, putting you in a bad mood and leaving you with regrets?
3. Is tennis making you feel somewhere between 1 and 2?

Obviously, you would like the outcome for your child to be number 1, and if it is number 2 things need to change.

If it is number 3 there may be nothing to do, however in the questions you ask after tennis you may want to ask more frequently whether they enjoyed playing.

For years we have researched the research on how kids have fun in sports.

It is not simple.

• It is a combination of Intrinsic and Extrinsic.
• It correlates higher than you may think around a sense of improvement.
• It correlates lower than you may think around winning and losing.
• It correlates higher than you may think around social engagement.

Pay attention to your child’s attitudes on the way to their tennis program.

• Are they excited to go to tennis?
• Are they reluctant to go but happy when they get there?
• Are they not wanting to go and not enjoying it while they play?

If your child is not enjoying tennis something needs to change.

A conversation with them about their tennis is needed sooner than later.